Di-Mi-Spam II

Wand of Wonder D1000 Table.

W = Wielder, T= Target

001 T becomes coated in homemade jam (random flavor)
002 W becomes coated in solid bronze (AC bonus of 34, but cannot move or breathe)
003 T turns to grape-flavored gelatin
004 W drops Wand, Wand creates 1d1000 false replicas around W’s feet
005 Reality reshapes to W’s specifications
006 Random God shows up to take possession of Wand
007 Random God shows up to aid T
008 Random God shows up to aid W
009 Wand animates as a free-willed Tiny Animated Object
010 T gains a +6 competency bonus to all skills until dawn
011 T loses all skills
012 W gains a free feat
013 W gains a level
014 T screams like an Androsphinx for 1d3 rounds
015 Random plane is devastated
016 Random plane doubles in power
017 Reroll; any W result affects a random being within 30’
018 Reroll; Swap W and T in the resulting description
019 2d20 gold pieces shoot from Wand, one per round (treat as sling bullets)
020 1d100 magical items appear at W’s feet
021 Wand transforms into a different random magical item each round for 2d10 rounds
022 Wand transforms into a random magical weapon (retains Wand functions)
023 Genre changes (A spaceship lands on the horizon, etc.)
024 A duplicate Wand appears in T’s hand
025 W’s alignment moves one step toward Chaotic Evil
026 W believes that T is a long-lost relative
027 T falls hopelessly in love with W
028 Wand constructs a castle nearby
029 A functional, idling F-16 appears around W (W in cockpit, and probably confused)
030 T and W swap equipment
031 T and W swap bodies
032 T and W swap places
033 Caldera opens beneath T
034 Portal to random Lower Plane opens- Apocalypse ensues
035 2d4 gallons of molten gold pour from Wand each round for 3d6 rounds
036 T's body hair begins growing at a rate of 1d2" per round
037 T melds with the nearest living creature, becoming a hybrid
038 T shrinks to about 2" tall
039 T begins to sweat healing potion
040 T becomes a demi-god
041 Wand emits a bzzt and a crackle, no effect
042 Wand fires automatically once per round for 1d20 rounds
043 W ages 1d100 years
044 T regresses in age by 1d100 years
045 T realizes he\she is but a character in a role-playing game; Save vs. Will or go mad
046 W becomes a lifeless husk, Wand eats W's soul, gaining 1 charge per level
047 Wand turns into a Tiny purple Viper that is hostile to W and T
048 3d20 gallons of human blood jet forth from Wand over 3d6 rounds
049 W gains a +20 competence bonus to Perform (Harp)
050 T becomes invisible to W
051. W becomes a deity, with a portfolio antithetical to W's alignment. (E.g. LG Paladin becomes God of assassins.)
052. W becomes a deity with a portfolio appropriate to W's alignment. (E.g. NE thief becomes God of assassins.)
053. T becomes a deity, with a portfolio antithetical to T's alignment.
054. T becomes a deity with a portfolio appropriate to T's alignment.
055. W and T are both invested as the avatars of random deities for 1d10 turns.
056. Random deity is reduced to status of a mortal and appears between W and T.
057. T shapeshifts into a tarrasque.
058. Molten silver rains heavily over the entire area (1 square mile) for the next day.
059. W's class levels change randomly. Total class levels remain the same. (E.g. Ftr15 becomes Wiz10/Brd3/Rog2)
060. W's stats are randomly shuffled.
061. All items of above Stone Age technology for 10 miles in every direction vanished and are replaced by nearest Neolithic equivalent.
062. W and T both change gender.
063. 5000 heavy infantry appear surrounding T. They are fanatically devoted to W.
064. All corpses within one mile reanimate as skeletons who will obey T.
065. A hot dog vendor appears between W and T, complete with stand. He is immortal and omnipotent. His only purpose is to sell both W and T a hot dog, and he will not leave until he has done so.
066. Andy Warhol appears. He proclaims: "I am the Walrus, I am the Egg man. Koo koo ca choo." He then vanishes.
067. Everyone who has ever met W forgets about his existence.
068. Two squads of cheerleaders appear. They will proceed to cheerlead any battles taking place at the time.
069. T's weapons all transform into fish.
070. Those who look at W must save or die, exactly as if they had looked at a nymph. The power is permanent and cannot be turned off.
071. Wand emits pretty sparkles and some purple smoke.
072. T is teleported 1d10 miles in a random direction. He is replaced by a pair of smoking boots.
073. T is destroyed leaving only a pair of smoking boots.
074. Every 1d10 rounds for the next day, an anvil will appear 10 ft above W and fall on him.
075. W becomes invisible to himself. Everyone else can see him fine.
076. Precisely 13,452 caterpillars appear.
077. For the next 24 hours all living beings appear to W as if they were giant spiders.
078. Any person of T's gender who looks at T will fall passionately in love with him.
079. W's mother appears. Even if she's dead.
080. A plague of locusts appears.
081. All metal in the vicinity becomes red hot.
082. W believes that he is now of a different class. W does not gain any of the skills of said class, but thinks he does.
083. A Mongol horde appears and sweeps down on the scene intent on slaughter.
084. A tidal wave strikes. Regardless of how far inland / underground they are.
085. Choirs of angels appear, amidst clouds of glory, singing hosannas. After 3 hosannas, they depart, taking the clouds of glory with them.
086. A devil appears and challenges W to a fiddle contest, the prize being a golden fiddle. If W loses, the devil claims his soul. The devil has Perform (Fiddle) 20.
087. T becomes convinced that he is the reincarnation of Mahatma Ghandhi.
088. T is now dressed as a harem girl.
089. All water in the vicinity becomes a reasonably palatable dry red wine.
090. T's weapons become +3 mithril spiked chains.
091. W gains a +2 competence bonus to Innuendo.
092. W's weapons all gain a +3 bonus (or equivalent in special abilities).
093. T and W are teleported to different random locations, anywhere on the same plane.
094. W polymorphs randomly every round for the next 20 rounds. All shapes will be able to survive in the environment in which they appear.
095. A bunch of flowers springs from the wand.
096. A blind panda named Lucy appears.
097. W and T are both ploymorphed into squirrels.
098. Atlantis rises in the nearest body of water large enough to hold it.
099. The nearest city sinks into the sea. A sea sufficent to sink it will appear if one is not handy.
100. The streets of the nearest village become paved with gold.
101. Randomly select one attribute. T loses two points from this attribute. W gains two points in same. Randomly choose one other attribute. W loses two points in this attribute. T gains two points in same.
102. T loses all ability to speak and understand his native language, and can never regain proficiency, short of a wish. Non-native languages are unaffected.
103. W gains three negative levels and DR 15/+3. There is no save for level loss, but levels may be regained through Restoration or other spells. Each level gained (through XP or spells) reduces DR by 5/+1, until all gained DR is lost.
104. T alignment shifts to Chaotic Evil and gains one class-level of Assassin, even if he does not fulfill the requirements for the class.
105. T's eyes change to color of W's choice. Change is purely cosmetic.
106. T and W blink out of existance for one round. No damage or change of position is caused. T and W do not notice "missing time" (to them, it seems as though the wand has no effect).
107. W's head hair bursts into flame. This causes 1d3 hp of damage, and W spends one round putting his hair out.
108. W is transported to either the Positive or Negative Material Plane (50% chance of each).
109. T becomes extremely hungry, and is at -2 Str and -2 Con until he can consume at least four pounds of meat.
110. W gains Nightvision 120' until next midnight.
111. T will notice pretty sparkles in all of his/her natural bodily excretions. This effect is permanent and cannot be dispelled.
112. W becomes the personification of a randomly chosen concept, ie Honesty, Gluttony, etc., for one week.
113. Wand explodes as a retributive strike from a fully charged Staff of the Magi. Ouch.
114. T now knows everything. Even that which man was not meant to know. T's head explodes.
115. W and T both become deities, of opposing alignments and pantheons.
116. W grows to thrice his normal size. W's clothing does not.
117. T becomes a gazebo.
118. W becomes a gazebo.
119. All living beings within 10 miles become gazebos.
120. All gazebos within 1 mile animate and seek to consume the brains of the living.
121. W makes a ranged attack against T as though he were firing a Longbow (and was proficient in a Longbow); the Wand flies out of W's hand and acts as an Arrow of Ooze Slaying that is fired at T.
122. T gains 3 levels as an Aristocrat.
123. An Umber Hulk appears 500 feet in the air above T.
124. Everybody everywhere permanently forgets all prior memories of T's existence.
125. 3d6 Neutral Good 10th level Wizards appear together 2d6 x 100 miles away in a random direction. They know W's exact location at that moment (but otherwise don't have any special knowledge of his location thereafter.) They are seeking out W. If and when they find W, they will attempt to slay W if he is evil. Otherwise, they will offer to perform one task for W.
126. All of W's clothing becomes covered in purple fur.
127. T and W are both teleported to the locations of their birth.
128. T trades location with the closest Bugbear.
129. The Wand disappears, and a new Wand of Wonder appears in each of T's hands.
130. T teleports 5 feet behind W.
131. W gains an "extra life" (instant Raise Dead if killed)
132. Wand achieves sentience. And talks. A lot.
133. Wand enlarges to the size of a telephone pole (difficult to use unless you want a Seige Engine of Wonders)
134. T doubles in weight; excess pounds manifest as body fat
135. Gravity reverses for T for 1d6 rounds
136. Every spell W knows\has memorized is instantly cast at T
137. Reroll twice; Both effects manifest simultaneously
138. Wand melts into gelatin; eating the gelatin will allow the eater to manifest the powers of the Wand
139. Each round, W and T each lose 1 hp. When one dies, this effect ends.
140. Apply a random template (half-dragon, etc.) to W
141. W's next lie becomes a truth
142. T's blood becomes a highly toxic poison. T is unaffected
143. W's soul becomes linked to Wand. If Wand is destroyed, W dies
144. T's favorite food appears at W's feet
145. The sky turns purple until the next dusk or dawn
146. A blade of force extends from tip of wand for 2d6 rounds. Treat as a longsword +3
147. Random peasant in the next town over dies horribly
148. Heavy warhorse appears, completely trained and loyal to W
149. All members of a randomly chosen race become another randomly chosen race
150. W forgets every personal acquaintance he or she has ever made
151. Roll on this table again. If result references T and/or W, replaces all instances of T with W, and W with T.
152.: W transforms into a robot (apply Construct template from The Book of Eldritch Magic).
153.: T transforms into a robot (ditto).
154.: W transforms into a giant robot (apply as above, but change Size to Colossal)
155.: T transforms into a giant robot (ditto)
156.: Both W and T transform into robots.
157.: Both W and T transform into giant robots.
158.: One random cast or crew member--past or present--of a Star Wars appears. Necessary gear and abilities to allow survival and communication granted to poor bastard.
159.: One random character from a Star Wars film appears, along with necessary gear and abilities to allow survival and communication. Pity both W and T.
160.: W trades places with random RPG Net regular, permanently.
161.: T trades places with random RPG Net regular, permanently.
162.: Both W and T trade places with random RPG Net regulars, permanently.
163.: Raven c.s. McCracken appears. Both W and T must make Will Saves vs. DC 50 or be compelled to attack McCracken until permanently slain. McCracken displays all abilities claimed in his RPG, so this isn't as easy as it looks.
164.: All talentless entertainers immediately die screaming; no Saving Throw allowed. This may or may not harm either W or T.
165.: God gets a clue and demonstrates undeniable proof of His existance, bothers to declare what the True Faith is and then smacks T upside the head for making W do it (whatever it is).
166.: No obvious effect to W or T, but Doctor Who returns to UK television as if it never left. Americans get it a season later.
167.: All 3.2 beer ever produced appears before T, who must make a Will Save vs. a DC of 50 or be compelled to eat or drink nothing else until it's all gone.
168.: Richard Simmons appears. Run for your lives.
169.: Carrot Top appears. Run even faster.
170.: T gifted with the combat skills of an Imperial Stormtrooper.
171.: W gifted with the combat skills of a Clone Trooper.
172.: T shown a vision of a Joel Schomaker film. Makes a Will Save vs. DC 20 or dies instantly from horror.
173.: Wand becomes a lightsaber. Go to town, W!
174.: Wand becomes a magic key that transforms W into a super-powered teenage girl dressed in a sailor suit. Er...go W?
175.: Wand transforms T into a super-powered teenage girl dressed in a sailor suit. Go T?
176.: Mr. T appears. Gibber-jabber cut; Wand taken away, foo!
177: Wand transforms into a high-powered vibrating dildo for 2d4 hours. While in this form, it can still be activated as usual.
178: W is hit by falling anvil for 10d20 damage, even if indoors or underground.
179: T is hit by falling anvil for 10d20 damage, even if indoors or underground.
180: W's teeth fall out.
181: For the next day, all creatures within 24 miles of where the wand was activated have their level/HD, CR, and current Hit Points displayed above their heads with Faerie Fire.
182: W gains the Scent feat. Target gains musk glands.
183: Roll again. If T would take damage as a result of this new result, T is polymorphed into whatever would be immune to such damage - a fire elemental if struck by fire for example.
184: W teleports 50' whenever he takes a 5' step. (i.e., moves while making a full attack or any other action where you can only move 5').
185: Bluescreen effect. All occurances of a random colour become invisible.
186: A kobold shoots from the wand and strikes T (treat as a bull rush by the kobold, who gets a +5 "I've just been magically conjured and launched - at a rather high speed mind you - from a wand, and I'm afraid I'm about to hit you" bonus to attack and damage this round. This bonus does not stack with other bonuses of the same kind.
187: Paradigm shift. The rules of the campaign shift. Roll a d6:
1 - Original D&D
2 - 1st Edition
3 - 2nd Edition
4 - 3rd Edition
5 - Hackmaster!
6 - Roll on this table for each pc & T and apply the result individually.
Characters who have abilities not included in their current ruleset (i.e. feats in OD&D) lose them.
188: A Whale, a bowl of petunias, and a team of pissed-off copyright lawyers appear about 100 miles above T, and begin to fall.
189: A film team appears and begins to make a movie about the PCs. Peter Jackson directs.
190: The most powerful evil wizard in the world retroactively becomes W's father. Rewite campaign history to suit.
191: Whenever W touches anything, roll a d30 and convert the result to a letter (1=a, 2=b etc). Add "old" to the letter. If the assembled word is a valid english word, whatever W touched becomes that thing. So, 2=b=bold, 7=g=gold etc.
192: W's player becomes the DM for the rest of the game session.
193: W's player becomes the DM for the rest of the game session, but must run the game in-character, as if W had just become the supreme being.
194: As 193, but T becomes the DM.
195: All creatures within 24 miles get 20 ranks in Balance and Tumble for the next day.
196: The nearest fish within 24 miles get 50 ranks in Weaponsmithying. This astonishing level of skill means the fish can forge legendary weapons, but getting the fish to a forge is another problem.
197: An aquatic forge, complete with all tools, ever-burning fire, a skilled and amphibious apprentice and an iron golem which can be telepathically controlled by a fish appears. If you rolled the previous result, then used the wand again and got this result, then you must immediately buy the DM a lottery ticket.
198: As above, but it lands right on top of the nearest fish.
199: Instantly, it's dawn on a beautiful summer's day, and the W is standing on a tropical beach by a magnificent rolling ocean. Adjust the gameworld's climate, current position in orbit, and add the necessary beach and ocean. The full effects of such drastic changes are felt in full by the world - totally messed-up seasons, ecological disaster, an extra ocean - but hey, it's a nice day.
200: T is placed in suspended animation and sunk 200' into the ground below where he was standing. A medium-sized dungeon appears. T is the treasure at the end of the dungeon.
201: Wand proceeds to recite the entire Lay of Endemian in a droning monotone. This takes about six hours and the wand cannot be used again during this time.
202: A bright white beam of light streams from one end of the wand. It can be used as a flashlight until a new roll is made.
203: The wand can act as an orange highlighter pen until a new roll is made.
204: W gets +5 charisma for the next 2D4 hours, but only while using the wand as a comedy cigar a la Groucho Marks. A mysterious black mark also appears on W's upper lip.
205: W gets a sudden insight into the subtleties and allure of any unusual collecting hobby, determined at random. Permanent.
206: Wand splits in two. W now has two identicle wands of Wonder half the length of the original.
207: Wand disintegrates and is inexplicably destroyed utterly, until reappearing in W's hand 10 seconds later.
208: Wand goes a bit floppy.
209: T has urge to puke its guts up until entire contents of stomach have been liberally dispersed.
210: Wand can turn into a bunch of flowers or a length of handkerchiefs at W's whim, for twenty minutes.
211. T seem do die messily, however, it was really just a mimic impersonating T, and T returns in 1d20 issues, erh, minutes.
212. As 211, but T was cloned by spelljamming mercanes (see MotP).
213. As 211, but it was all just a dream.
214. As 211, but this whole adventure only happened in a parallell universe, really, and never did happen in the main reality.
215. As 211, but a deity appears and sends W back in time to stop himself killing T, or the multiverse as we know it will end.
216 W begins repeating the sentence "Help me, I've got an axe in my head" over and over again, each time in a different language.
217 As 216, but T is affected. If T is inanimate object, it explodes into a shower of axes, making damn well sure SOMEONE gets an axe in their head.
218 As 216, but sentence is "Your mother sucks dead donkey-ass".
219 T bursts into song for 1d6 turns.
220 W bursts into song for 1d6 turns.
221 W's ears disappear completely.
222 Nearby vegetation bears fruit (the fruit being swords and axes of all kinds), growing to full size in 1d6 turns.
223 W becomes undead for all intents and purposes.
224 W & T merge into one, creating unholy blasphemy, especially if T is inanimate object, DM decides resulting race and rules adjustments.
225 Everything touched by W from now on turns to Glod (see Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels).
226 Gravity reverses for 1d10 turns, hello falling damage.
227 W becomes extremely magnetically charged. Ow.
228 T turns into a bowl of petunias.
229 T turns into a spermwhale with an identitycrisis.
230 W & T switch bodies. If T is an inanimate object, W becomes trapped in T, while W's body is vacant.
231 W & T burst into flame, use normal fire damage.
232 W's hand turns into snake, drop wand immediately.
233 T explodes in a shower of miniature versions of T.
234 W's clothes turn to lead.
235 All lead within 10' radius of W turns to gold.
236 All potions and other contained liquids within 20' explode, dealing damage for flying glass, also corrosive substances deal additional damage, as do special potions (e.g. greek fire).
237 W's mother dies. If already dead, rises as zombie & pursues W. If already undead, tapdances on own grave.
238 Nearest child turns into a small inn.
239 Nearest inn turns into a small child.
240 All fruit within 1 mile of W becomes poisonous, fatal within 1 hour unless cured somehow.
241 Trapdoor opens under T, opening into a random dungeon.
242 Same as 241, but trapdoor opens into fireplace of small inn.
243 Same as 241, but trapdoor opens just above a small child.
244 W's face is stretched to double normal height.
245 T is stretched to double width.
246 Weird honking sound is produced from now on when W's feet hit the ground, get prop claxon.
247 Nearest horse turns into sword.
248 Nearest sword turns into horse (guess what you're holding it by?).
249 Nearest magic-using person loses ability to speak.
250 Nearest fighter has his hands switched (left becomes right and vice versa).
251 W turns into half human, half kobold, half chicken warrior of death. Ask DM for help.
252 W is duplicated, but duplicate is CE and appears 10 miles away in a random direction.
253 Wand emits cloud of colored smoke with hallucinatory effects for all within 10' radius for 1d10 turns.
254 W's INT drops 5 points, adjust bonus accordingly.
255 T's INT drops 5 points, adjust bonus accordingly. If T is inanimate object, T gains INT 5.
256 Anyone within 20' of W switches gender, no switch if victim is genderless to begin with.
257 Nearest helmet is affected. Horns appear inside the helmet, dealing possibly fatal damage to wearer as they grown inwards.
258 Sky everywhere turns orange.
259 All orcs within 10 miles of W develop strong attraction to W.
260 T is hit by a speeding freighttrain for 1d100+30 damage.
261 T turns into a speeding freighttrain, hitting W for 1d100+30 damage.
262 T bursts into unstoppable laughter, even if T is inanimate object and/or has no mouth.
263 All books within 1 mile become alive and try to eat people.
264 All zombies within 1 mile can only tapdance from now on.
265 All rations carried by W taste like kaviar.
266 All rations carried by W turn into faeces.
267 All liquids carried by W turn into random potions.
268 All magic items carried by W have a 75% chance of turning into another magic item from the same category.
269 W's boots turn to metal and shrink to 1/5 size.
270 W's head shrinks to 1/5 size, functions normally but voice sounds squeeky.
271 W develops accute flatulence.
272 Wand turns into Murray, the Demonic Skull(tm).
273 W's left leg turns to wooden leg.
274 Random creature (including characters) within 10' turns into small yapping dog.
275 W becomes allergic to garlic and sunlight, 1d6 damages for every turn exposed to either.
276 Reroll; if beneficial result for W, repeat until not beneficial.
277 Wand turns into Deck of Many Things.
278 Nearest zombie turns into the Ghost Pirate LeChuck(tm).
279 W switches class with closest person. Apply all rules for switching classes.
280 W's feet turn into hands and vice versa.
281 W can only speak in rhyme from now on.
282 Anyone looking at W will from now on only see a fruit basket that appears to be speaking.
283 T turns into portable hole.
284 T turns into sentient shield with HP equal to T's HP.
285 W develops amazing cooking skills but loses ability to breath
286 T loses random leg. If no legs present, T gains one.
287 T loses all knowledge skills. If not applicable, reroll.
288 T may never again perform an attack of opportunity. If not applicable, reroll.
289 T becomes target for random spell.
290 T attracts badgers from far and wide.
291 W says "Fnork" between each word uttered.
292 T can only eat badgers. If T is inanimate object, it is eaten by an abyssal badger.
293 3 badgers are summoned, 1 blind, 1 mute and 1 deaf.
294 W's feet reverse direction, now facing the other way round. W must walk backwards.
295 All gold pieces in W's possession turn into badgers.
296 All badgers in W's possession turn into gold pieces.
297 W turns into badger
298 T turns into badger with bad temper
299 W & T turn into mutated giant badgers and set off to destroy a city together
300 Everything in the world becomes invisible. Everything is still there.
301 Wand detonates in a nuclear blast.
302 W, T, and their companions are transported to modern Earth (as depicted in Jack Chick tracts).
303 W, T, and their companions are transported to Vimary (from Tribe 8).
304 W, T, and their companions are transported to a random Hell in Eden (from The Last Exodus).
305 W, T, and their companions are transported to HoL (from HoL).
306 W, T, and their companions are transported to the future from War Against The Chtorr.
307 W, T, and their companions are transported to the future from Rapture: the Second Coming.
308 W, T, and their companions are transported to the future from deadEarth (wacky radiation effects intact). They are surrounded by d20 hostile mad whack voodoo ninjas.
309 W and his/her companions must make a Will check versus DC 25. Those who fail become Cubic thinkers (from Time Cube).
310 W and his/her party start having nightmares and going slowly insane over the next several days. They are hunted by munchkinized, otherworldy, but strangely incompetent assassins. Eventually, W and his/her party realize they're reincarnate Material Gods from the SenZar universe.
311 W, T, and their companions are transported to the Fourth Age (from SenZar).
312 W, T, and their companions are transported to Limbo (from World of Synnibarr).
313 W, T, and their companions are transported to the Terra Isles (from World of Synnibarr). They gain enough levels to become 1st level Gods of Asskicking.
314 W, T, and their companions are transported onto an in-flight Planet Smasher missile (from World of Synnibarr).
315 W, T, and their companions are transported to Boosboodle (from Spawn of Fashan).
316 W, T, and their companions are transported to the future from RAHOWA. They are surrounded by d10 hostile "moronic white devils", led by d4 "fucking ignorant white devils".
317 W's world becomes FATALized: female characters gain three cup sizes, have their attributes reduced to the racial minimum, and have their vaginal circumference reduced too low for them to possibly give birth; all mind affecting spells only work against females; all magical failures cause embarassing / disgusting effects involving genitalia or bodily functions; and male characters become non-cognitivists (or "morons", if you prefer).
318 Roll 1d6, result is the number of effects, roll on this table for each one of them. If this entry is rolled, reroll.
319 T gets insane desire to eat own feet. If T is inanimate object, W gets insane desire to eat T.
320 W turns into small wastepaper basket
321 W and his party are now time travelers. Travel is initiated by any member of the group (character or player) completing a phrase that begins with "Remember when . . . ". The party is transported to the time and place of the event in question.
322 W and his party are now all characters from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
323 T and his party are now all characters from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
324 A lake appears beneath T. Space stretches to accomodate its insertion into the local geography.
325 A lake appears beneath W. Space stretches to accomodate its insertion into the local geography.
326 W leaves wet footprints everywhere he treads. The footprints deepen into 3" deep puddles within a few seconds.
327 As 326, but the footprints are bloody, and the puddles are of blood.
327 W loses his shadow permanently. It may be restored with a Wish .
328 T loses his shadow permanently. It may be restored with a Wish .
329 W's shadow is separated from him and becomes a servant entity with W's stats.
330 T's shadow is separated from him and becomes a servant entity with T's stats.
331 W's shadow is permanently transformed into flame, setting fire to whatever flammable thing it touches. W becomes immune to fire.
332 T's shadow is permanently transformed into flame, setting fire to whatever flammable thing it touches. T becomes immune to fire.
333 Anyone touching W when he has an orgasm dies. (How many players will find a way to use this as a weapon...?)
334 W and T and the wealthiest individual within 1000 miles swap possessions and position in a three-way trade. Only the affected three people are aware of the swap in possessions. Everyone notices the swap in position, though.
335 W is turned into a Mind Flayer.
336 T is turned into a Mind Flayer.
337 The Rockettes appear.
338 100 Hill Giants appear, believing they are the Rockettes.
339 Everything W grasps begins to flower and bloom: plants, dogs, teakettles, his spouse...
340 T begins to flower and bloom. Over the course of an hour, he transforms into a shrubbery.
341. Roll 1d6 for both T or W. On a roll of 1-3, the person turns male (if they were not already). On a roll of 4-6, the person turns female (if they were not already), and becomes pregnant with the other's child (regardless of the gender of the other, and regardless of the person's original gender). If relevent, conception has just occurred.
342. T and W have constant, unlimited-range, irreversible telepathic link. Both must make Will Saves at DC 15 . If either fails, both go mad. If one dies, the other must make Will Save at DC 15 or be irreversibly affected as if by the Feeblemind spell.
343. W's name changes to different name of T's choice. Nobody, including T, will ever remember original name.
344. T falls into coma until kissed by a true prince or princess.
345. W's arm (or other extremity) that was holding the Wand falls off.
346. T becomes a Great Wyrm Red Dragon Polymorphed into a frog as if affected by the Polymorph Other spell. The Dragon-->Frog shift is reversible by all the usual means of reversing a Polymorph Other spell. The T-->Dragon shift is irreversible.
347. Both T and W get a Wish, as the spell, as cast by a 40th level Wizard.
348. Wand grows or shrinks (select randomly) 1d2 inches in length. If this reduces the wand to 0 or negative length, Wand disappears.
349. T gains 4 points to all attributes. Each day at midnight, he loses 1 point from all attributes. When all attributes reach 0, he dies. Attribute loss stoppable (but not reverseable) with Remove Curse.
350. W gains +4 Dodge bonus to AC against all members of T's race.
351 Pick a random verse from the Bible (or a sentence from any other handy piece of literature) and try to apply that as the effect
352 T becomes convinced that he\she is covered in spiders. He\she will follow any suggestion to be rid of them
353 Baby Jesus (or any other manifestation of compassion and unconditional love) appears and cries
354 T begins to sweat blood. He\she likely grows weak from blood loss, and also attracts nearby predators with strong senses of smell
355 1d1000 lightning bolts fly from tip of wand and strike T in chest. Treat each bolt as if cast by a 17th-level wizard
356 T turns into a Magic Missile which flies at and strikes W for normal damage
357 W catches fire, taking normal burning damage. When any living being is touched, W ceases to burn, and the fire consumes the being touched. The fire can continue to switch subjects in this manner.
358 Everyone begins to suspect that W is an evil wizard in disguise
359 Air within 1" of T's skin lowers in temperature by 1 degree Fahrenheit per round. This cold zone moves with T
360 Air within 1" of T's skin raises in temperature by 1 degree Fahrenheit per round. This hot zone moves with T
361 Wand turns into a Purple Worm. W is holding it by the tip of the tail
362 Choose a random race. All members of that race explode in a shower of blood and bone (or whatever viscera is appropriate)
363 Look up T's race in the Monster Manual. T turns into the next race listed
364 T's skeletal structure becomes hot enough to melt iron. It sucks to be T
365 T's skeletal structure turns into mayonnaise
366 T becomes a loser- Canot hold down a job, fails in romance, etc.
367 T is teleported to Phoenix, Arizona in the year (1d1000+1000) C.E.
368 T is teleported to a place T would consider safe
369 T is teleported to a place W would consider safe
370 T becomes the planet's new center of gravity. Everyone probably dies in the ensuing shift
371 W's left hand becomes impervious to damage from any source
372 DM describes something really catastrophic happening, then chuckles and says that he or she was only kidding
373 1d100 spines jut out of T's skeleton, each doing 1 point of damage. If T survives, treat them as natural weapons capable of adding damage to unarmed attacks
374 T dies, shrivels, turns to lich
375 T begins to suffer from a random mental disease
376 T contributes constructively at the next available opportunity regardless of normal inclinations
377. Wand becomes sticky as if jam had been smeared on the handle.
378. Wand becomes slippery as if grease had been smeared on the handle.
379. Wand becomes spiky, as if a holly bush had been attatched to the handle
380. Wand summons Gary Gygax, who casts on random spell on T, then disappears.
381. Wand summons Gary Gygax, who casts on random spell on W, then disappears.
382. Wand summons Gary Gygax, who casts on random spell on himself, then disappears.
383. Wand turns into incredibly attractive scantily clad woman
384. Wand turns into incredibly attractive scantily clad man
385. Wand turns into incredibly ugly scantily clad woman
386. Wand turns into incredibly ugly scantily clad man
387. Wand explodes
388. Wand implodes
389. Wand starts wriggling and singing Elvis songs
390. W starts wriggling and singing Elvis songs
391. Everyone in a 100ft. radius starts wriggling and singing Elvis songs
392. Everyone in a 100ft. radius becomes Elvis, and starts singing Cher songs
393. T is turned into a random registered user on RPGnet
394. T is turned into a random NPC on RPGnet. Everybody hates T.
395. Wand turns into a backscratcher +3
396. Wand turns into a random piece of jewellery
397. W becomes engaged to marry T
398. W gets an unavoidable attraction to the letter 'W'
399. Wand, wielder and target all turn into chickens.
400. Wand turns into a random cursed magic item that smells of roses.
401. Yoda appears, says something perfectly normally, then vanishes.
402. W becomes the letter F.
403. T becomes a version of W with the opposite gender.
404. W becomes a version of T with the opposite gender.
405. W gains a craving for cheese and/or SPAM.
406. T gains a craving for cheese and/or SPAM.
407. W's cup size increses by 3.
408. W gains a laptop computer with an empty battery.
409. W gains a laptop computer with a full battery. World implodes as this impossibility manifests.
410. W becomes a Smiley.
411. W and T are unaffected, but 10d4 random RPG.net members discover that they can no longer participate on any internet forum aside from the official Wizards of the Coast message board.
412. W and T are unaffected, but 10d4 random WotC message board members discover that they can no longer participate on any internet forum aside from the RPG.net message board.
413. T transformed into random female hentai character.
414. W transformed into random she-male hentai character.
415. W and T are unaffected, but 10d4 random RPG.net members lose all interest in pen-and-paper RPGs and become fixated on EverQuest
416. W and T are unaffected, but 10d4 random RPG.net members suddenly find themselves unable to attract any gamers to their pen-and-paper games except for former EverQuest fanatics who've suddenly developed an interest in the pen-and-paper format.
417. A hole in the ground suddenly appears between W and T. An anthropomorphic rabbit and an anthropomorphic duck pop their heads out of the hole. They look around for a few moments, then the rabbit says "I knew we shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque." Both rabbit and duck disappear back into the hole and the hole disappears.
418. Wand begins shouting "HI! HELLO! HOW ARE YOU?!?" to every NPC within sight of W. Wand does this in an oppressively cheerful and perky voice. Effect lasts 1d10 weeks. Wand operates normally otherwise.
419. T experiences a sudden, irresistable urge to hug W.
420. All of T's rations turn into chocolate covered fish livers, squid-ink ice cream, and other outr\é dishes from the Iron Chef show.
421. T and W switch places. Each are given $1000 and a professional designer, and must redecorate one room in each other's home in 48 hours.
422:It begins to rain eels. Eels are an aquatic species and will quickly die if this event happens over land. In a few days the smell will be unbearable. In a week it will be undescribably foul. Any nearby bodies of water will become infested with carnivorous eels, possibly disrupting or displacing native species.
423: It begins to rain squids. Squids are an aquatic species and will quickly die if this event happens over land. In a few days the smell will be unbearable. In a week it will be undescribably foul. Any nearby bodies of water will become infested with fast breeding squid, possibly disrupting or displacing native species.
424:It begins to rain various kinds of sea anemones. Many of these will be poisonous or otherwise toxic. These may deadly, or merely a painful irritant, or a powerfull hallucinogenic. Sea anemones are an aquatic species and will quickly die if this event happens over land. In a few days the smell will be unbearable. In a week it will be undescribably foul. Any nearby bodies of water will become infested with sea anemones, possibly disrupting or displacing native species.
425: It begins to rain humpback whales. This wil quickly reduce most ground structures to rubble and at least cause severe structural damage to all but the strongest fortress. If this event happens over land few, if any, whales will survive their fall. In a few days the smell will be undescribably horrible. In a week it will be strong enough to knock a full grown man unconcious. Scavengers will be drawn from literally hundred of miles away. Any nearby bodies of water will become choked with smashed whale corpses, horribly disrupting the native ecology.
426: It begins to rain ravenous dire wolverines. The majority of these will survive their fall and begin to work together to catch prey. Aftre they have stripped the area of all life they will split in to smaller groups and continue to roam the world in large numbers.
427: It begins to rain blood. This will cause many animals and supernatural predators to go in to mindless killing frezies.
428: It begins to rain potions of fire breathing. These shatter upon impact coating the land in jagged pieces of glass while the potion it self seeps in to the ground water, giving a temporary fire breath weapon to every person, creature, and woodland animal for miles around.
429: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for ten combat rounds.
430: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for ten combat rounds.
431: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for ten hours.
432: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for ten hours.
433: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for ten days.
434: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for ten days.
435: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for ten years.
436: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for ten years.
437: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for one hundred years.
438: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall and will last for one hundred years.
439: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for ten combat rounds.
440: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for ten combat rounds.
441: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for ten hours.
442: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for ten hours.
443: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for ten days.
444: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for ten days.
445: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for ten years.
446: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for ten years.
447: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for one hundred years.
448: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall and will last for one hundred years.
449: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall and will last for ten combat rounds.
450: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall and will last for ten combat rounds.
451: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall and will last for ten hours.
452: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall and will last for ten hours.
453: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall and will last for ten days.
454: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles and will last for ten days.
455: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall and will last for ten years.
456: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall and will last for ten years.
457: Opens a temporary portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall and will last for one hundred years.
458: Opens a temporary portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall and will last for one hundred years.
459: Opens a permanent portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet tall.
460: Opens a permanent portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is seven feet wide by ten feet.
461: Opens a permanet portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall .
462: Opens a permanent portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is two hundred feet wide by one hundred feet tall.
463: Opens a permanent portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall.
464: Opens a permanent portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is forty miles wide by ten miles tall.
465: Opens a permanent portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is forty miles tall and runs from one to pole to the other, neatly bisecting half the planet.
466: Opens a permanent portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is forty miles tall and runs from one to pole to the other, neatly bisecting half the planet.
467: Opens a permanent portal to the lawful evil plane of hell. This portal is less than one inch in diameter and is not fixed in space. It can be moved by hand and carried around, or even thrown in to the air. It weighs about the same as a small pebble and will sink in water. Outside of certain kinds of infernal insects, few devils will be able to fit through the portal, though non-physical spirits will enter and exit the portal in droves, especially the spirits of the recently deceased who will be able to flee back to their homeworld before they are incarnated as Larvi.
468: Opens a permanent portal to the chaotic evil plane of the abyss. This portal is less than one inch in diameter and is not fixed in space. It can be moved by hand and carried around, or even thrown in to the air. It weighs about the same as a small pebble and will sink in water. Many demons will not be able to fit through the portal, while non-matterial spirits, formless masses, and beings with no defined shape will have no problewm entering and exiting the portal at will.
469: It begins to rain portals to other dimensional planes. These portals take the form of small glowing spheres. They will only transport one creature, either to or away from the prime material plane, and then vanish.
479: It begins to rain molten lava.
480: It begins to rain copper pieces. This will either make the surrounding inhabitants rich or devalue copper untill it is all but worthless.
480:It begins to rain silver pieces. This will either make the surrounding inhabitants rich or devalue silver untill it is all but worthless.
481: It begins to rain gold pieces. This will either make the surrounding inhabitants rich or devalue gold untill it is all but worthless.
482: It begins to rain ninja throwing stars.
483: It begins to rain unbottled healing potion. All damage taken by anyone inside the area of effect will be healed by the next combat round.
484: It begins to rain Wands of Wonder. This will often result in the eventual destruction of the planet.
485: It begins to rain comfortable italian leather footware. Mostly sandals.
486: It begins to rain deadly black puddings.
487: It begins to rain uncut liquid lsd. Everyone or thing must make a wisdom check. Failure means total sensory overload and derangement lasting for 1d20 days. A critical failure results in permanent insanity.
488: Reverses the alignment (I.E. LG becomes CE) of every creature, being, or entity on the planet. Those of True Neutral alignment are unaffected.
489: Target's head becomes attatched to Wielder's left shoulder. It is alive, aware, and must be fed but is not in control of the rest of the body in any way nor will the body be affected by the secondary head's death. Depending on the species involved this may make the Wielder too unbalanced to walk or even stand.
490: Summons three hundred ancient wyrm Gold Dragons and three hundred ancient wyrm Red Dragons. Also creates a wand of gold dragon control in the Wielder's other hand and a wand of red dragon control in the Target's hand. These wands are cursed, cannot be dropped, and cause the user to share in the his dragons' pain. Each dragon's death will cause a temporary stat loss of 1d4 in either stregth, dexterity, or constitution, player's choice. Once all three stats reach zero the user enters a death-like trance and can take no action except for controlling the dragons. This loss will last untill the end of the combat or 24 hours, which ever comes first. If all three hundred controlled dragon's are killed then the user of the wand will also die.
491: All gnomes everywhere increase in size to Gargantuan. Scale their attributes, hitpoints, and CR up to match.
492: All kobolds everywhere increase in size to Gargantuan. Scale their attributes, hitpoints, and CR up to match.
493: All halflings everywhere increase in size to Gargantuan. Scale their attributes, hitpoints, and CR up to match.
494: All insects everywhere increase or decrease in size to Gargantuan. Scale their attributes, hitpoints, and CR up to match.
495: All thieves everywhere increase in size to Gargantuan. Scale their attributes, hitpoints, and CR up to match.
496: All horses everywhere increase in size to Gargantuan. Scale their attributes, hitpoints, and CR up to match.
497: All dragons everywhere decrease in size to Tiny. Scale their attributes, hitpoints, and CR down to match.
498: All beings with Lawful Good alignment everywhere as well as all beings with Chaotic Evil alignment everywhere increase in size to Gargantuan. Scale their attributes, hitpoints, and CR up to match.
499:All hamsters everywhere increase in size to Collosal(IV). Scale their attributes, hitpoints, and CR up to match.
500:It begins to rain copies of the D&D Player's Guide, DM's Guide, and Monster Manual. When read they will appear to be written in the reader's native language.
501. All characters in W’s group immediately switch places with the players controlling them
502. A horde of 1d100 Nazis appears and attack all present
503. A horde of 1d100 orcs appear and attack all present
504. A horde of 1d100 Stormtroopers appear and attack all present
505. A horde of 1d100 Red Shirts appear, and are immediately either struck by lightning and die(1-3 on d6), or get turned to sugar cubes(4-6 on d6)
506. A couple of thugs show up and threaten to beat up T if he pays them the so-called protection money.
507. A couple of thugs show up and threaten not to beat up T if he doesn't pay them the so-called protection money.
508. A couple of thugs show up and threaten to beat up T if he doesn't pay them the so-called protection money.
509. A couple of thugs nail T's head to the floor.
510. Gargantuan Hedgehog is summoned. Throughout rest of campaign, shows up in the oddest places shouting "DINSDALE!"
511. All male characters in 30-yd-radius get that "not-so-fresh" feeling.
512. Evil squirrels take over the world and make PCs slaves in their nut mines.
513. GM must go to FLGS, pick up a new RPG at random, run rest of campaign using those rules.
514. T gains ability to read GRAVITY'S RAINBOW in less than a month.
515. W transmogrifies into Kevin Bacon- all characters must either connect themselves to him insix-or-fewer steps or leave the campaign.
516. It begins to rain men.
517. T replaces every person who ever appears on a TV outakes show
518. T replaces every person who ever appears on a TV gardening show
519. T replaces every person who ever appears on a TV decorating show
520. W becomes the Wand. The Wand becomes W.
521. W's friends turn into trolls.
522. W's friends gain an uncontrollable desire for caviar.
523. W becomes a dish of caviar. Roll again, ignoring all results but 522.
524. Wand disappears, never to be seen again. Hallei-bloody-lujah!!!
525. All of W's most prized possesions become wrapped in cling film.
526. W suffers an irresistable urge to become a geography teacher
527. T suffers an irresistable urge to become a chef
528. All animals, plants and insects in a 1 mile radius achieve not only sapience but genius level intelligence for d6 months
529. Ninja assassins descend on ropes from above (even if outside) and present T with a silver trophy.
530. T becomes a solipsist. What is more, T becomes correct in his beliefs.
531. The Wand turns into an avocado. If eaten, the eater must roll three times on this table, with all 'T' effects being resolved upon his worst enemy. 'W' effects are resolved on the eater of the Avocado of Wonder.
532. Lightning strikes 2d6 times on a single spot d10 meters in front of W.
533. Nothing happens.
534. Everything happens.
535. T turns into a rare bacterium, and begins to multiply.
536: Darkness surrounds W in a 1 mile radius. W may (50% chance) be attacked, with intent to eat, by a Grue.
537: W gets an outrageous foreign accent, DM's choice.
538: Everything in the world is shrunk by a factor of ten, except the T.
539: A telegram boy appears, giving the W a telegram that contains the answer to something that have puzzled the W for a long time.
540: T's tongue turns into iron.
541: W's name is written in the sky with smoke, as if from a plane.
542: A thousand green flying monkeys appear and wants to discuss a radio play adapation of 'Hamlet' with the W.
543: 1D6+1 loaded rat traps suddenly appear in any pack, pockets, pouches etc of the T.
544: A cigar-smoking crow who speaks with a hoarse voice turns up and becomes the W's familiar. He is invulnerable to all attacks from the W.
545: 2d1000 carrots spout in a stream from the wand towards T. The T takes 1 hit point damage per 10 carrots, half that on a successful Reflex save vs. DC 15+1/100 carrots.
546: A giantic mushroom starts to grow between W and T. It grows by 1 foot in diameter each round for 1d20 rounds. It is edible.
547: W must speak entirely in cockney rhyming slang for 4D6 rounds.
548: Summons "Trojan Man" accompanied by horse, fanfare.
549: Thugs screw T's pelvis to cake stand.
550: W is temporarily posessesed by the mad spirit of Alejandro Jodorowsky. For the next 2D4+5 rounds, every noun mentioned by W must include the prefix "paleo."
551: All chainmail worn by T is replaced by sequins. Pink ones.
552: W develops nicitating membrane.
553 All of T's possessions age 2d100 years
554 Wand fires as a Heavy Crossbow
555 W gains the ability to cast a random spell once per day as a spell-like ability
556 Wand hurls itself at T with an attack bonus of +1d20, doing 1 damage on a successful hit
557 Wand fires a 5 die Fireball in an arc 1-100' ahead (W can control) each round for 1d20 rounds
558 Nothing appears to happen, but the next time the Wand's power is called upon, a 20 die Lightning Bolt streaks forth, halting when it hits the first object in its path (probably T)
559 A random encounter occurs
560 The next random encounter to occur does not occur
561 Wand constructs an empty dungeon below the scene to W's specifications (The player can draw up the plans, etc.)
562 It begins to rain. Not blood, or acid, or railroad spikes. Just plain, old, ordinary rain
563 The nearest paladin of 15th level or higher is given a holy quest to slay T
564 1d1000 ticks pour forth from the Wand each round for 1d4 rounds. These ticks can only live on the blood of T
565 T's natural body temperature becomes the melting point of lead. Treat as a Remorhaz in this regard
566 T's possessions all animate and attempt to flee
567 T's possessions all animate and attempt to slay T
568 T's possessions all animate and follow his\her verbal commands to the best of their ability
569 1d2 gallons of the finest wine in the universe pours from the wand over the course of 1d4 seconds
570 1 liter of T's blood teleports to a spot between W and T
571 T's genitalia wither and die
572 A third arm begins to grow from the center of W's chest
573 W and T trade complexions
574 T turns to bleu cheese for 1d6 rounds, then turns back
575 Summon Heavy Warhorse inside T
576 For the next 1d10 rounds, rol 1d6 per round: 1-2 W loses a level; 3-4 No effect; 5-6 W gains a level
577 Random peasant gains 1 PC level per day for 7d3 days
578 Nearest corpse is restored to life
579 Random modern convenience is invented by a visionary wizard somewhere in the world...
580 T's eye (determine which randomly) grows in circumference by 1"- facial damage depends upon race, etc.
581 Random bone in T's body breaks
582: Target is possesed by the immortal spirit of Adolf Hitler
583:Target vomits 8d1000+500 baby spiders at the rate of 200 baby spiders a round.
584: Target's digestive track is reversed, so that target must consume food through his/her rectum and vomits fecal matter and urine.
585: Target is given immortality, physical stats of 85, and infinite hitpoints. Target is then trapped in an extradimensional space for ten thousand years being tormented by phantoms of Wielder. Once target has become irreversibly insane they are returned to the current place and time with the new found super human physical advantages intact. Target will degenerate in to a bestial state within 2d10 days and then die as the spirit simply shuts down and vacates.
586:Target's bodily fluids, including sweat, blood, tears, snot, urine, ejaculate, puss or saliva, become a powerfull corrosive capable of dealing 5d10 points of damage per round to any kind of non-magical substance. This does not harm target in any way.
587:Target bursts in to magical flame. Target gains the ability to instantly regenerate hit points when he recieves fire based damage, on a one for one basis. Fire burns flesh as flesh heals itself from then fire. This does not damage target but it is excruciatingly painful. Target must make a will save DC 35 to perform any action other than running, screaming, rolling around on the ground, and flailing of the arms. Fire can not be extinguished by any non-magical means. If fire is extinguished target will die.
588: Target, male or female, immediately gives birth to 4d10*10000 Giant Space Hamsters of various breeds. This does not kill target but will hurt very much and stretch the character in ludicrusily cartoony, though bloody, ways. Thr Giant Hamsters will begin to breed and crownd out the other indigenous species.
589:A gigantic atomic explosion utterly destroys everything in 1d20*1000 miles!
590: It begins to rain fully charged and functional Lightsabers.
591: Every effect on the chart from 1-1000 happens except 591.
592 T's facial features are re-arranged instantly, does not affect breathing or eating.
593 W forgets everything and needs to be taught all knowledge and skills over again, reverts to instinct behaviour
594 Wand summons 1d6 random creatures from the Monster's Manual. Flip the book to a random page to select monster.
595 W and T shrink to 1'
596 All trees become sentient creatures (who can't move and are incredibly displeased about it)
597 All apples within a 10 mile radius turn to gold
598 Wand grows to 100x normal size and weight
599 Wand summons 1 red dragon
600 Wand transports W to random plane
601. All of W's friends turn into IT technicians. W suffers D6 SAN loss
602. W is forced to watch a randomly determined episode of the New Adventures of Superman
603. T grows a feather. Just the one. If feather is ever plucked out, T dies.
604. T decides to grow a radical hair style
605. W decides to grow a radical hair style.
606. T trades in all levels for levels in commoner
607. W trades in all levels for levels in commoner
608. W is transfered to the Neverwinter Nights computer game.
609. W suddenly knows the statistical probability of everything.
610. 609. W mistakenly thinks he knows the statistical probability of everything.
611. W feels something in his pocket. If he searches, it reveals a small, crumpled up piece of paper with "please read me aloud" scrawled upon it. If this is done, suddenly the clouds spell out a bright, cheery, "thank you!", and W gains 1 point of luck. Even if there is no luck stat.
612. Three D6 suddenly appear on the ground. If anyone rolls them in game, it changes a random stat of theirs to what's on the dice. They remain for 5 uses, at which point they suddenly become extremely ferocious animated javelins with genius level intelligence and the power to create small streams wherever they touch the ground.
613. A random target within 50 feet suddenly hears bone snap as their back is broken. Just then a huge voice booms out: "Ha ha! You're fucking crippled!"
614. T becomes a papier-mache shell filled with tiny, communal crabs of somewhat dim intellect.
615. All PCs are suddenly teleported to a random inn, where they meet up to begin a grand adventure which involves finding the suddenly teleported wand. 615 will automatically be the first result rolled when the wand is used when next found. Ignore this result if it was the last two results of this wand being activated.
616. Now, whenever W attempts anything that he has a greater than 50% chance of success at, he automatically succeeds. The reverse is also true. In the event of exactly 50/50 odds, both events occur simultaneously.
617. Everyone in the area gains the ability to flawlessly communicate with porcupines. The effect is not immediately apparent under most circumstances.
618. DM gets to smack the W's player across the face with a rulebook. W is granted 1 wish for every tooth lost.
619. A random player has to eat that thing at the back of the fridge.
620. A random T within 50 yards suddenly has to go REAL BAD, and lets loose a stream of:
1: iron filings
2: cat's paws
3: tse tse flies
4: blood, oh horrible horrible blood
5: gibbering mouthers
6: the world's most delicious and addictive substance
7: just plain old pee
8: something which looks exactly like plain old pee, but which is sentient and capable of casting a great deal of magic. Treat as a major npc. Refers to target as "daddy".
9: A legendary sword. This hurts like a bitch.
10: roll again on the rod of wonder table to determine what is excreted. If the results are somehow compatible, use them. Otherwise, there is a deafening bang and the wand now has racing stripes!
621 T speaks in tongues for 1d6 days, no one can understand T (magically or non-magically)
622 Bees are attracted to T
623 Wand grows to gargantuan size and animates, going off on rampage for 1 week, before reverting to its old form
624 T becomes blue all over.
625 W becomes blue all over.
626 T & W's skin turns black and their hair turns silvery-white.
627 All weapons within a 1 mile radius turn to agitated badgers.
628 T dies or is destroyed instantly, but is also instantly reincarnated as a fully-grown agitated giant badger. T can still select a class, but has Abyssal Badger as race. Treat as human in all respects.
629 All people with the name "Sigfried" die horribly in a shower of bone and flesh.
630 All people named "Robert" lose their heads. Instant death occurs.
631 All orcs gain an additional attack due to the large horns that instantly sprout from their foreheads (ramming attack - rhinoceros style).
632 All orcs gain a +4 AC to adventurers and other heroes
633 All undead are now immune to turning by paladins. Clerics are unaffected.
634 All adventurers gain a +3 to a random ability (roll 1d6 to determine which ability is affected).
635 Wand flies from W's hand and hits the nearest person who has a dark secret in their past (possible damage from impact of wand).
636 All badgers can speak with humans and become abusive towards them.
637 All horses gain one leg.
638 Any horse within a one mile radius loses a random leg.
639 All clocks begin to run backwards.
640 W is covered from head to toe in flies.
641. W's hair changes colour
642. T's hair changes colour
643. W's hair falls aout
644. T's hair falls out
645. W and T swap hair
646. W can only 'speak' Dabus (see Planescape)
647. W finds that he shares a mutual interest with T. T becomes disinterested with the topic.
648. T loses all knowledge of HTML
649. T gains all knowledge of HTML
650. T curls his hair at the soonest opportunity
651 W loses all ability to understand any verbal form of communications
652. T and W are unaffected, but combat changes for the entire universe. Replace the standard D&D combat mechanics with the complete Advanced Squad Leader ruleset.
653. T and W are transported to the Nobilis gameworld. T becomes the Power of Direct Marketing. W becomes the Power of Privacy.
654. T and W are transported to the Nobilis gameworld. T becomes the Power of the Catholic Church. W becomes the Power of Masturbation.
655. T is replaced by a small shell script.
656. All of W's base are belong to T.
657. W has no chance to survive make his/her time.
658. The wand launches all zig for great justice.
659: T becomes a dancing balerina in pink panties.
660: W suddenly understands all of the secrets of the universe and then drops dead, the body turning to dust.
661. For the next 1d4 hours, T can only speak in rhymed couplets.
662. For the next 1d4 hours, T can only communicate by singing.
663. For the next 1d4 hours, T can only communicate through mime.
664. For the next 1d4 hours, T can only communicate through interpretive dance.
665. For the next 1d4 hours, T can only understand rhymed couplets.
666. For the next 1d4 hours, T can only understand singing.
667. For the next 1d4 hours, T can only understand mime.
668. For the next 1d4 hours, T can only understand interpretive dance.
669. Any written material (books, scrolls, maps, etc.) carried by T are illegible to anyone but W.
670. Any food, beverage, or potion carried by T is deadly poison to anyone but W.
671. Roll again on this table 1d4 times. If any result instructs you to roll again, Wand immediately transforms into an ordinary wooden stick. Otherwise, all rolled results apply in the reverse order that they were rolled.
672. All of T's possessions vanish, to be replaced instantly by exact duplicates.
673. T is transformed into wood. If T is already wood, T is transformed into prettier wood.
674. T's highest skill is replaced by Combat Bowling.
675. W gains a cumulative +1 bonus for each attack against T (i.e. +1 for the first attack, +2 for the second, etc.). The bonus goes away as soon as W uses the Wand again, or attacks anyone other than T.
676. The effect of the most recent use of the Wand is reversed. If this is the first time the Wand has ever been used, W takes 1d10 damage as the Wand explodes.
677. T is teleported to wherever the creator of the Wand is now. The creator of the Wand is teleported to T's previous location. If the creator is dead, the creator's corpse (or the biggest single piece of it, if it's not in one piece) is affected instead. If T is the creator of the wand, T is instantly healed to maximum hit points and has all of his/her spells prepared.
678. W's player (or the GM, if W is an NPC), picks a number from 0 to 9 (call this number w). T's player (or the GM, if T is an NPC), picks a number from 0 to 9 (call this number t). Roll a d10 and call this number d. String w, t, and d together in that order and apply that result from the table.
679. For the next day, W can't say T's name without laughing. (If T has no individual name or W doesn't know it, then the general term for T -- "orc" or "door" or whatever -- is affected and the result lasts for three days).
680. If T is an inanimate object, it turns into a bowl of yummy oatmeal. if T is a living thing, it turns into a bowl of nasty, runny oatmeal.
681. T turns into a newt for 1d6 days. T then gets better.
682. T suddenly behaves as if in a game of GTAIII - running around, stealing cars/horse-drawn carts/flying carpets/etc... and generally making life Hell for the locals.
683. W's perceptions are altered to remove T from them. For the rest of eir life, W will never be able to percieve T in any way whatsoever. T is otherwise unharmed.
684. Zot!
685. T can understand any form of language whatsoever, so long as they don't remove the small yellow fish from their ear.
686. T's bones are transmuted into rubber.
687. T's bones are transmuted into hardwood.
688. T's bones are transmuted into playdough.
689. T & W suddenly break into a song-and-dance routine. 10d6 random trained dancers mysteriously appear in the background, and an invisible orchestra plays something jazzy.
690. From now on, T will speak in a broken form of whatever language(s) they previously spoke, although the movements of eir lips will bear no resemblance to any known language.
691. W becomes invulnerable to all known substances known to man except marmite.
692. Targets left leg is transformed into a long blue baloon which magically transforms itself into various baloon animals each turn.
693. Target gains a german sense of humour
694. T immediately falls madly in love with Sandra Burnhard.
695. W realises that T has fallen madly in love with Sandra Burnhard and becomes violently ill
696. Treat as 695, except W is ill for twice as long. ( have you seen her? )
697. T killed kenny. You bastard!
698. Reality crashes leaving the line "1982 amstrad".
699. W gains sudden insight even able to explain why Sir clive sinclair released the C5.
700. T is instantaneously transported to a spinning upside down car where they realise "They broke my watch."
701. T's molecules are re-aligned along a sub-space matrix of .035 microns phase differential, and encrypted with a tri-axilating algorith. This has no significant game effect.
702. T becomes the only black man at a kkk meeting.
703. W is transformed into yellow bipedal creature with a craving for donuts.
704. T is transformed into a wastem.
705: W gains Gloves of Wand Control which allow wearer to select any WoW effect s/he has already seen when using the wand.
706: W gains Improved Gloves of Wand Control which have the same effect as the original plus changing all instances of "random" to "of W's choice."
707: Wand transforms into an RCA universal remote control which activates whatever effect the number is pushed for. No buttons other than the number buttons work. If the batteries are removed in any way, the remote becomes useless since the remote would have to be reprogrammed to the frequency and signals of the plane it is being used in.
708: Wand transforms into an easy-to-use, never-has-to-be-programmed VCR remote which has the same function as the universal, plus rewind, fast-forward, etc. buttons which effect time appropriately. Pushing the edit button will cause a random WoW effect. Pushing the power button causes the target's stats to switch position on the scale, i.e. a 3 ST becomes 18 ST, a 4 becomes a 17, et al. If stats of target are lower than 3 or higher than 18, they are disregarded. This remote will be lost on a roll of 1 or 2 on a d6, and will reappear in the nearest couch one week later.
709: 1d10*1d10*1d10 brightly-colored question marks pop out of the head of any confused character, a la Psyduck. Any non-sentient being or inanimate object may interact with them. (i.e. sniff, eat, burst) Sentient beings are completely unaffected by them beyond seeing them unless an N-S performs some notable interaction with them, or there are so many that the character is unable to move through them. The question marks will waft through the air for 1d6 rounds. This effect is permanent and can only be removed by the reality-altering WoW effect.
710: Marvin the Paranoid Android appears, causing all magic items in the area, save the WoW, to commit suicide.
711: An internationally-famous, fat, ugly, Italian porn star from the 70's will appear, either en la boeuf, or wearing a pornified version of Mario's suit from the Super Mario Bro's Super Show. If anybody knows who I'm talking about, his name would be much appreciated, as it stubbornly eludes me at the moment.
712: For the remainder of the week, T has uncontrollable urge to simultaneously pick nose and scratch asscrack, switching hands every 1d6 rounds, thus taking -5 Charisma, and making T unable to do anything requiring use of the hands.
713: Solid Snake appears somewhere on the continent, plot of campaign changes to somehow involve Metal Gear, and everybody eventually dies as a result of this plot twist except the people on Snake's Codec, who are chosen randomly from the character list.
714: Random celebrity walks by picking his/her nose, stops, looks at W, shrugs, says "I dunno," and walks away, disappearing as soon as they are out of sight.
715: Both W and T are affected by an acid trip until a cure disease spell can be cast upon them. They will not allow this, because they will think the casters are purple, sticky, delinquent monkeys swimming in a sea of aqualube, and run away shouting about the experience. If either of the trippers are male, they will have at least one occurance of believing that thier penis has jumped out of thier pants and run away, after which they will chase it until substantially distracted. If either of the trippers are female, they will have at least one occurance of believing that the devil has burst through the wall, demanding that the tripper eat his ice cream.
716: A creme pie shoots forth from the wand, directly into T's face.
717: W is forced to copy "I will not use the Wand of Wonder" 500 times onto a school blackboard.
718: A Wendy's #3 Combo meal, (that's the classic triple for those who don't know better) a large bowl of Wendy's chili, and a small Frosty appear before W, which will heal all wounds and diseases when entirely eaten.
719: A Big Mac or Whopper value meal appears before W, along with chili and shake, which cause death upon consumption.
720: Both 718 and 719 take effect. If W chooses the Classic Triple, they permanently gain +2 on all saving throws. If W dares to choose the Big Mac or Whopper over the holy sanctity of the Classic Triple, they not only die, but are sent to the deepest pit of hell where Carrot Top and Rosie O' Donnell sing showtunes at them for all eternity, while Gary Coleman and his Dark Midget Army(tm) kicks them in the face.
721: My nads fall on T. T is crushed to death regardless of size. (The enemy's size, not my nads', you fool!)
722: A tub of Nad's hair remover falls on T. T laughs ass off. Literally. Ass regrows over 1d6 days.
723: From now on, any WoW effect is accompanied by a large, explosive-looking, sound balloon containing Batman-esque onomatopoeia, i.e. Fnord, Pam, Krzzat, etc. (Note that etc. is also included in this list.) and saxophone spike.
724: Mike and the robots follow W, and critique any actions he is involved in.
725: Damon Wayans now directs the campaign, and it becomes a parody of every campaign the DM and characters have ever taken part in. At least one scene must involve flagrant male homosexuality of some sort.
726 Wand becomes useless till end of day
727 Wand becomes a normal short sword for 1d4 rounds
728 W regains all previously-cast spells
729 T becomes unable to cast spells till end of day
730 W gains a +5 magical defense bonus till end of day
731 T's AC becomes a permanent, unchangeable 10
732 W is teleported to a random plane
733 Summon moron
734 Wand becomes coated with frost
735 One pound of flesh disappears from T
736 T grows 1d4 extra fingers
737 Wand catches fire, will burn to useless charcoal in 1d10 rounds if not put out
738 5' wide ring of fire surrounds W at a distance of 10'
739 Wand fires 1d3 eggs
740 Wand cracks, drips purple liquid, loses 1d20 charges. Anyone consuming the liquid will roll on this table (Imbiber counts as both W and T)
741 Wand casts Fireball, centered on W
742 Random potion pours from Wand
743 W regains 1d20 HP
744 W and T switch HP
745 T turns to glass
746 T's equipment turns to salt
747 Grass grows on W's head
748 T is reduced to 1 HP
749 2d12 corpses appear at W's feet
750 T's stats are reduced to 1 until sunrise
751 W gains 1d20 Strength for 1d12 rounds
752 W becomes ethereal for 1d2 days
753 T's alignment becomes that of W
754 W's alignment becomes that of T
755 Wand emits a sinister laugh
756 Everything held or worn by T turns to lead
757 W loses a finger
758 Wand turns to sand. Anyone consuming the sand probably gets sick (sand can't be good for the digestive system)
759 All doors within 100' open
760 Wand blurts, "Dead men tell no tales!"
761 All magical items within 1d100' lose power (except Wand)
762 Summon 1d4 War Dogs
763 A bag containing 100 GP appears 1' before tip of Wand
764 W's eyes turn purple
765 T's next attack hits him\herself
766 Power short! Reroll, any duration is reduced to 1 round
767 All purple things within 5d100' shatter
768 T's skin shatters. Death probably comes quickly.
769 W craves grapes for 9 months
770 Wand turns ethereal for 1 week
771 Wand lengthens to a "Staff of Wonder" for 1d8 rounds
772 All spells affecting W are dispelled
773 Cure Light Wounds on everyone W considers an ally
774 T becomes a goblin for 1d8 rounds
775 Reroll, any duration becomes permanent
776 W's HP max is doubled
777 W grows purple fur
778 T begins bawling; A Will Save (difficulty 25) can be attempted each round to stop
779 Wand teleports to a safe place
780 Reroll twice; W can choose which effect to use
781 T's blood turns to grape juice; T's system adjusts, resulting in no damage to T
782 Whoever is next named by W dies
783 Whoever is next named by W becomes invulnerable until sunrise
784 Wand grants 1d10 Wishes to W
785 T goes into a berserker rage (Treat as a Barbarian of T's level)
786 T takes one point of damage for each point he\she deals for 1d20 rounds
787 T loses the ability to harm W in any way for 1d2 weeks
788 All undead within 50' are turned
789 T will automatically fail at all Saving Throws for 1d10 rounds
790 W succeeds at all Saving Throws until dusk
791 Wand cracks; 1 additional charge is lost per round
792 T shrinks 1d20"
793 W grows 1d20"
794 T loses 1d20 pounds
795 W ages 1 year for every 2 that go by
796 Reroll, any gains become losses, any losses become gains
797 Wand does 1 point of bludgeoning damage to all within 1d1000'
798 Wand screams W's alignment
799 W and T become the Lords of opposed kingdoms in a pocket universe. W and T are each teleported to their throne rooms. When one of them dies, the other is teleported back. No time has passed in "the real world"
800 T becomes trapped in a 10' x 10' room with a chest against one wall, guarded by an orc. After defeating the orc and opening the chest (which is trapped and locked), T returns to reality
801 10' diameter bubble extends from tip of wand
802- T's boots or other footwear grow 1000% for 1 round.
803- W's statistics are converted to FUDGE.
804- As above, but said statistics are then converted to GURPS.
806- T becomes a surgical resident and is immediately paged.
807 : W immediatly has a desire to lick own elbow, spends 4 hours doing this.
808 : T immediatly becomes covered in whipped cream,
809 : W finds a rabid hampster superglued to his/her genitals, (nasty)
810 : T contracts herpes...
811 : T contracts crabs ...
812 : T turns into a packet of 100 glow in the dark assorted tampons.
813 : W must assume the personality of the cat from red dwarf and act accordingly.
814 : T must assume the personality of the talky toaster from red dwarf and act accordingly.
815 : W must assume the personality of a wall, and act accordingly.
816 : T grows a penis, if already has a penis, becomes a money maker for the local freak show..
817 : Rigour Mortis sets in, The T may be used as a bridge.
818 : One randomly determined NPC within 100 metres of the W becomes filled with an incurable desire to steal a packet of 100 assorted glow in the dark tampons from the W, the NPC will not give up, and becomes invincible for 24 hours. If the W does not have 100 glow in the dark tampons then you'll all be waiting 24 hours before you can bludgeon the NPC to death.
819 : T chooses a wierd al yankovic song and applies it to the situation.
820 : W immediatly turns into a 1x1ft block of cheese, pc's should feel free to eat him.
821:The world becomes 2 dimensional(i.e. flatland) for D20 minutes
822:Roll again. This effect is an illusion with a DC of 25 to disbelieve.
823:Anything that touches W that weighs less than W is affected as if by a Teleport Away spell. Permanent, but a Wish can remove the effect.
824:Anything that touches T that weights less than T is affected as if by a Teleport Away spell. Permanent, but a wish can remove the effect
825:The wand gains a side. Additionally, the next time the wand is used, reroll an even result.
826:The wand loses a side. If the wand has only one, it becomes a portable hole. Additionally, the next time the wand is used, reroll an odd result.
827:The wand flies up the nearest nose. It can cross planes if needed. Damage depends on distance
flown and size of the nose.
828:The next D20 rolls W makes (other than those made on this chart) W can choose the result of. All values choose must be possible. (No 20 on a d8)
829:The next D20 rolls T makes T can choose the result of. All rolls must be possible on that die type.
830:The next D20 rolls (randomize W/T) will have their results decided by the vote of all players in the game. All rolls must be possible.
831:There is absolutely positively no effect. A charge is not used and neithter is W's action, no-one heard any command word spoken, ect. It didn't happen.
832:Everyone withing d1000 miles except T and W is suddenly wearing sunglasses(their choice as to style).
833:The next roll made by ANYONE in the game will use a D100 instead of the normal dice.
834:W creates an effect, subject to DM approval, that is added to the WoW chart.
835:A small 2 cm diameter planetoid shoots from the end of the wand. It will orbit the planet at the height it was originally fired from permanently. No known force can impeded it's orbit.(It will make small tunnels through all solid objects). A Reflex save with a DC of 30 can dodge it, othewise 2D10 damage. It is capable of damaging any corporeal creature.
836:T and W gain knowledge of pig latin at the level of their best language.
837: T and W each give a skill to the other. Each gains the skill at the level the other had it at.
This trade must be acceptable to both, but the trade must occur. (i.e. skills must change hands, so to speak). If T or W has no skills, well, sucks to be the other party. This negotiation takes zero time.
838:T gains a duplicate of this WoW. Both T and W must duel using only their WoW's until one or the other is destroy or they are incapable of continuing(for instance, if physically seperated somehow).
839:W gains a theme song of their choice. This song playes whenever they fight or enter a social establishment. A Wish can remove it, or change the song.
840:All stairs within D20 miles permanently become escalators(randomize up/down).
841:The wand recites: "The Surgeon General has determined that using the RPG.net Wand of Wonder can be hazerdous to your health."
842:W gains a cell phone. Anyone W calls will also gain one at the time they are called. W additionaly gains the knowledge of the number of any entity they have met in person.
843:T gains the Head of Vecna.
844:The wand will act as a wand of magic missles until bathed in lamp oil for 2 minutes.
845:Halleys comet homes in on T and will attempt to hit them.
846:Creates a superball with a perfect coffecient of restitution. (I.e. if dropped, will bounce back to the exact height it was dropped from.)
847:Wands acts like an immovable rod that cannot be deactivated. It can still be fired however.
848:The wand shudders, appears to draw in power, and makes an escalating pitch whine. It also gets hotter and hotter till it reaches the temperature of magama and glows brighter and brighter. At the end of this, a single hair on T turns grey.(Ignore the last effect if T has no hair)
849:The wand will point to every trap it gets withing 20 feet of(1 after another. When it points to them all, it starts over). It will additionationally mention the trap, what sort of horrible things it could do to an adventurer followed by 'You should do something about that.' This continues as long as there are traps within 20 feet of the wand.
850:W's excrement from now on gives off a pleasent oder, and is in fact safe to eat/drink if anyone tries. 851 : W turns into giant blowup Antonio Banderis lovedoll with perminant erection for 5d10 years.
852 : Roll again, if you get this again then you must find a chicken and teach officer barbrady to read...... if you dont then your head blows up like mr mackays and you turn into timmy in a tooth fairy costume.
853 : God gets upset and shoots down d100 razor blades, giving W a quick circumsision. If W is already schnipped, W gets d3-1 testicals removed. Does not apply to females.
854 : A giant SmegMonkey manifests and pops up behind any grassy gnoles you encounter yelling "SMEGMONKEY IS A SEXY BITCH" before disappearing, lasts forever, even when a new game is started, with a new system, with new people, in a new country... just remember SMEGMONKEY IS A SEXY BITCH.
855 : Large, fluro purple disco lemming incarnates next to W, wearing sparkly blue spandex, 1' tall platform shoes and a big afro. Lemming starts singing a Yoko-ono marathon, lasts for D1000 million years. lemming is invincible and follows the pc's everywhere, even in the shower....
856 : A giant dildo manifests and proceeds to attack T, counts as some goblin thing, but tickles as well....... the dildo is unkillable, and blue berry flavoured.
857 : T falls madly in love with Barbara Striesand and decides to go galavanting off to find and seduce her.... If the other PC's dont come then T throws a packet of 100 assorted glow in the dark raspberry flavoured grapefruits at them.
If the T is a woman, then she becomes a retarded lesbian with the same affects as above.
858 : A car drives by and dissapears into the distance.
859 : A giant pole shoots out of the ground, directly below W, the pole extends 1d100 meters into the air, the W proceeds to slide down the pole...
860 : Smegmonkey ran out of ideas, W's player has to prance like a pony everywhere, and describe his actions only using primitive one celled organism mime.
861 - Green bubbles begin to shoot out of the wand, floating up into the sky. At a height of about 100', they will pop, painting that patch of the sky. Within moments, the entire sky will be green. A little precious moments type girl will appear from behind a tree, wherever, and ask, "Why is the sky green?" at every opportunity until disposed of or she wanders off 1d4 hours later.
If used indoors, the bubbles will bounce off the ceiling and then turn to look with little smily faces at W and ask "What are you doing indoors on such a nice day? You should be outside in the sun." 10-20 of the bubbles will gang up on W, harassing him until he goes outside or the gag gets very old.
862 - A 7' tall faerie appears in a burst of sparks and glares at W, then says "Give me that!", takes the wand, and disappears. No save.
863 - All T's teeth turn into gold coins.
864 - T cries out "Ah! Ya' got me!" and falls to the ground, forced to play out an excruciatingly corny death scene. T is unable to do anything else for 10 minutes.
865 - T becomes an accountant. (A fate worse than death)
866 - W's mother appears and says "Its not nice to point!" then disappears. Can be particularly odd if W's mother is deceased.
867 - T is permantly transformed into slime/mold/fungus of DM's choice.
868 - A ghoul from the nearest cemetary is forced to hunt down and eat W, but there is no apperent effect from the wand.
869 - A treasure map appears in between W and T, the map is permanent and leads the way to great treasure.
870 - W becomes the wealthiest being in the universe.
871 - W's pants become animate permanantly and try to escape with a STR of 12.
872 - T's pants become animate permanantly and try to escape with a STR of 12.
873 - All beings (excluding W) within a mile radius must save against magic or dance until they die of exhaustion.
874 - W is transported 1D20 days into the future.
875 - T is transported 1D20 days into the future.
876 - W is transported 1D20 days into the past.
877 - T is trasnported 1D20 days into the past.
878 - W becomes a red dragon for 1D4 hours.
879 - T becomes a red dragon for 1D4 hours.
880 - Entire universe is destoyed and remade with W as the sole omnipotent god.
881. Random race suffers extinction as an incurable magic plague begins consuming them alive. An excrucatingly painful death for all members of the specified race will occur within 1 year.
882. W's race becomes the dominant one on the planet as quadruplets become the norm for new parents overnight and pregnancies skyrocket.
883. W and T switch bodies.
884. Everyone W loves dies.
885. Everyone T loves dies.
886. Everyone both W and T love dies.
887. Every sentient being in the world EXCEPT W and T dies!
888. W and T both die.
889. W becomes a snake and T a mouse.
890. T becomes a snake and W a mouse.
891. The most powerful ruler of the world falls madly in love with W, even if W is: already married, the same gender, at war with them, undead, etc.
892. The most powerful ruler of the world falls madly in love with T, even if T is: already married, the same gender, at war with them, undead, etc.
893. W becomes immortal.
894. T becomes immortal.
895. W gains +200 to all attributes, skills, rolls, ect, and gains the most powerful weapons/armor/ in existance, as well as 1,000,000,000,000,000 gold, W's name changes to Godking Munchkin.
896. T gains +200 to all attributes, skills, rolls, ect, and gains the most powerful weapons/armor/ in existance, as well as 1,000,000,000,000,000 gold, T's name changes to Godking Munchkin.
897. W gains the Midas Touch. Permanantly.
898. T gains the Midas Touch. Permanantly.
899. W becomes an undead (of GM's choice).
900. T becomes an undead (of W's choice!).
901-T is morphed into exact replica of W.
902-W is morphed into exact replica or T.
903-T is struck by a sudden need to scratch their nose.
904-W is struck by a sudden need to scratch their nose.
905-Nothing.... ain't that somethin.
906-T passes gas, effectively casting 'Stinking Cloud', centered on self
907-W passes gas, effectively casting 'Stinking Cloud' centered on self
908-T's hair turns white
909-W's hair turns white
910-T's skin turns green
911-W's skin turns green
912- Three old Chinese ladies appear and paint W's fingernails while gosiping loudly in their native tongue.
913- Three old Chinese ladies appear and paint T's fingernails while gosiping loudly in their native tongue.
914-T now rolls only d4's for all dice, replacing normal dice rolls. This effectively makes T too weak to acomplish most tasks.
915-W now now rolls only d4's for all dice, replacing normal dice rolls. This effectively makes T too weak to acomplish most tasks.
916-T now rolls only d1000's for all dice, replacing normal dice rolls. This effectively makes T too strong to acomplish any task requiring delicate movements or precision.
917-W now rolls only d1000's for all dice, replacing normal dice rolls. This effectively makes W too strong to acomplish any task requiring delicate movements or precision.
918-T will be be teleported instantly to the elemental plane of snot.
919-W will be teleported instantly to the elemental plane of snot.
920 W is morphed into a twinky.
921 T is morphed into a twinky.
922 W is instantly covered in honey.
923 T is instantly covered in slime.
924 W clucks like a chicken for an hour.
925 T grows chicken feathers, but looses the abiltiy to act like a chicken in any way.
926 W feels irresistable urge to use wand three times a day for a week.
927 T feels irresistable urge to use wand three times a day for a week.
928 W dances the hokey-pokey (and turns himself around, that's what it's all about)
929 T dances the hokey-pokey (and turns himself around, that's what it's all about)
930 T becomes a special character in a game of Food Fight.
931 Anything held in T's hands becomes a 10' pole
932 T's spine increases in length by 1" per round for 2d20 rounds. T's body does not grow to accomodate this
933 Wand hurls itself at T- Treat as a Ballista bolt
934 1d20 gallons of mercury appear 1d20' above T's head, splashing down on him\her. Massive crushing damage likely accrues (not to mention mercury poisoning)
935 Wand teleports inside of T. Unless T is insubstantial, or has an especially large stomach, this likely causes massive internal damage
936 Poll the players for an effect
937 Poll the players for an effect. The exact opposite thing happens
938 A nasty little green guy appears, doing something completely unexpected
939 An anvil appears above T's head. And just hovers there.
940 W's flesh melts away. He\She becomes a free-willed skeleton, with the normal modifiers for being undead
941 T tries his\her best to commit suicide in the next round. After that, the drive to die ends.
942 W becomes a creature of pure chaos
943 Wand shouts out T's darkest secret
944 Wand grows wings, flies out of W's hand. Wand tries to avoid any and all potential users, employing its effects, if necessary
945 Wand transforms into the shape of a tommy-gun. Firing it will produce 1d6 random effects
946 Wand explodes into 1d100 small spheres. Throwing one of these at a target will have the effect of a roll on this table.
947 T forgets the happenings of the past 2d20 days
948 T is teleported as far away from W as possible (without switching planes), is given an empire and a servitor race, and burns with a desire to slay W at any cost.
949 T's nervous system teleports 1d20' in a random direction. This is almost certainly fatal
950 Any undigested food or excrement in W's body is disintegrated
951 T shrinks to 1" tall. If already 1" tall or smaller, T grows to 1000' tall
952 1d100% of T's blood turns to alcohol. This is probably very, very fatal
953 The worst thing possible for T happens
954 The next time W eats a mushroom, he grows to twice his normal size until damaged, at which point he returns to normal size
955 Fruit sprouts from T's arms or equivalent
956 Wand teleports to the hands of the highest-level character in the game world
957 T loses 1 level per round, transferring it to W, until T has no more levels, at which he\she dies
958 The game is saved. At any time, the players may (on a majority vote) return to this point in time and space. Once they do so, however, the "save" is lost. Explain this to the players
959 If indoors, any exits from the room the characters currently occupy are sealed off with a 1' thick wall of steel. If outdoors, thick undergrowth grows in a ring around W and T
960 T develops a smoker's cough (or loses it, if one is already present)
961 Any outstanding prophecies are immediately fulfilled
962 Any outstanding prophecies turn out to be lies, or drunken ramblings
963 Wand morphs into a randomly determined demon or devil and attempts to slay W and T
964 W gains a supernatural ability. DM's discretion as to what this power is.
965 T gains the mentality of a well-trained dog (Sit, Elminster, sit!) and considers W "Master"
966 A random long-forgotten creature of darkness awakens beneath the earth and rises to threaten all of creation
967 W's eyes operate on a permanent 100x zoom. This is handy in some situations, and utterly maddening in others
968 All of W's money is converted to pounds sterling
969 Choose a random element (Oxygen, mercury, lead, nitrogen, ehatever). That element ceases to exist (Not a big deal if it's uranium, but if it's, say, carbon, watch out!)
970 Wand sings a random bad showtune
971 T becomes frozen in time for 2d20 rounds. During this period, T may not act, but also may not be damaged or moved
972 T turns into a random make and model of automobile with a full tank of gas and the keys in the ignition (Good luck getting a refill, though!)
973 W gains a random modern-day skill (like computer programming, automobile repair, or chemical engineering) with a skill bonus of +2d12
974 T will commit an extremely gauche faux pas in his\her next social encounter
975 All evil people in the campaign world gain 1d2 levels
976 Any drink the Wand is used to mix will act as a Potion of Healing
977 An asteroid appears in the solar system. It will collide with the campaign world in 1d20 days. Everyone in the campaign world becomes aware of this fact
978 W gains the greatest laptop computer that could possibly exist in the real world, it has a hard drive of effectively unlimited capacity, and the capacity to perform any operation that it is given. The laptop's battery pack is dead.
979 A key appears in W's rations ext meal. Any lock touched by this key will open. It works 1d4 times before exploding in a 15 die fireball
980 All of T's magical items become cursed
981 All armor in the campaign world begins to offer Damage Resistance rather than a Defense Bonus. If it already offers Damage Resistance, the opposite occurs
982 W gains the ability to see dead people. They mostly just lie around being dead
983 A gout of powerful acid ejects from Wand at a sufficient velocity to strike T. Treat as a proficient ranged attack with damage equal to that of a Great Wyrm Black Dragon's breath weapon.
984 A powerful leader rises to subjugate the campaign world's people beneath a yoke of oppression, thought control, and grossly simplified language
985 A flare fires from the Wand to strike T. Treat as a fire-based Magic Missile
986 W loses grip on reality. Role-play his\her descent into madness!
987 All plant-life within 8d100' turns into stainless steel. Plant spells cease to affect them, and walking through grass affects creatures as do caltrops
988 W's player begins to play T, and vice versa. Effectively, W and T are unchanged, although their decision making process may change drastically. This is permanent
989 Night falls (Or day breaks if it is already night) over the course of 1d2 rounds
990 1d100 modern humans appear, confused and frightened, between W and T
991 Random person within 2d100' is messily decapitated by an invisible force
992 W gains a limited empathy with the Wand. If he\she desires to use it, roll and describe the result to W. If the result is not desired, W can instead do nothing for that round.
993 W's head turns into that of a random race
994 Roll 1d4. Magic (1- Disappears from the world, 2- Grows weaker, 3- Grows stronger, 4- Becomes uncontrollably powerful)
995 Reroll a new character of W's level. W becomes that character and, for all intents and purposes, always was that character.
996 T's limbs fall off. Each individual limb , and the torso, becomes a sentient entity. T's parts work together as a group, occasionally reforming, if need be. The parts grow miniature legs and faces so as to be able to survive on their own.
997 W gains the ability to absorb others' powers by consuming their flesh. Do not describe this until W eats meat.
998 Wand will only fire a single Magic Missile when invoked until soaked in the blood of an innocent man
999 Game over. Hand out new character sheets.
000 Let's have a party! Everyone involved in the current conflict grabs party hats and alcohol from unknown locations, forgets about the battle, and parties late into the night. Those who wake up in the morning have their memories of enmity restored.

nerden tabel van nerden spelletje, jammer dat het voor (de meesten van) ons slechts een jeugd herinnering is.

euh...te bizar voor woorden...

Misha, weet je wel hoeveel bit je vervuild hebt?

lekker gespamd Holy..

Met liefde...met liefde...